Dream770′s Blog

February has been such the bitter-sweet month for me. It has brought much joy along with much sorrow. I had an awesome valentines date however the night before I ended up losing a great hero, my grandfather.

What is a woman to do when she gets woken up from her deep beauty sleep to hear the panic soft voice tell her that your grandfather is being rush to the ER. Trying to make sense of it all, I find myself in a half sleep state praying for peace over my grandfather. Has the angel was by his side comforting him and bringing peace, he was eventually taken to the heavens. I finally heard the news and with such overwhelming feeling I began to just let the sorrow flow from my eyes.

This great man whom all men should be just like threw his towel in and said I’m tired, I’m ready. For ones selfless loving ways and career to serve this country, He will forever be a hero to many. 

I have been a rollercoaster of emotion, I am so overwhelmed with love, joy, sorrow and well life is hard moments. LOL I mean really in the past week, I have enjoyed ones company, I ended up coughing a lung and losing my voice and yet sorrow of  burying my hero. That’s enough to say….nothing, but sigh.

So lets meet again, but lets say on a much better note…2/13/2012 EMS

Hello bloggers. I have managed to flat line my stat box. I don’t think I have ever done that before. Then again I don’t think I have ever managed NOT to blog. I sure do miss it. I think I’ll be getting back into my groove. I have so many moments that I wish I just had my computer with me, so that I can let my fingers run the keyboard and mind just ramble on.

This new year I am so hoping to bring so many new chapters to my life. I really think after all these years, this will be my year. It HAS to be MY year! My year to shine, my year to overcome and achieve and my year to finally has always be the LAST and yet the last is shall be first and the best.

I will rise and sunshine and love again. I have very high hopes. I want to end the 12 year trend, I want to be able to say I failed but I  got back up and became stronger and smarter. So look out because I am beautiful and I am embracing it!

My goal is to manage and keep up with this page, So look out world here comes Dream770!

Well its another busy day in the life of dream770. It seems like my break times are when I’m asleep and that’s what I love the most- sleep. The whole doing much of nothing. Once again it’s been a while since I blogged. I think I’m becoming good at that. I have to say this though, there as been many things that I wanted to blog about, but I didn’t have my computer with me right then and there, nothing to write down, so needless say, I have forgotten most of the thoughts now..Major bummer I know.  I guess right now I’m just “always the brides maid never the bride”.I know there’s a light at the end of my tunnel and that the knight in shinning armor is out there…..as always my is chin up and I keep trucking along….

I have to say this I hate the fact that some people I know are flat out un-genuine to me. I mean how hard is it to be a real person, your one true self. Maybe for the simple fact that they don’t even know who they are so they have to live fake. I had a friend who was a lot of fun to talk to, but in the end their singleness became the great duo..they got married. Whats with the majority of my friends being in unhappy marriages? This friend of mine lives up state NM..which leads me to say their just apart of the rest of my friends who are not so peachy king…I really don’t understand it. I can see if money was involved, but most of the time it really isnt. I have nothing against them or anyone else, I would just really like for them to all be happy, but then don’t we all…and yet here I am..

On another note, I’m getting ready for birthdays..there around the corner…Im planning a night out with friends who can make it for my 32 bday. I’m looking forward it. Ordering a special cake, now if i can find my invitations I’d be happier. You know me I like to plan WAY in advance. Worse case I make my own, which sounds like a good idea….Hmmmmm..

Okay now that I have gotten my currently mental thoughts off my chest…I’ll write something more meaningful later..

So here we are its Monday of the following week. Truck still out for the count, radiator died and now that I replaced that part, there is still another issue. Narrowing it down, hopfully it’ll be up and running soon, but only a specialist can tell me for sure. In the mean time, I’m barrowing a car from my parent which puts a wrench in plans. I’m out funds for a good while until I pay these parts off. Right now I’m out 300 bucks and still counting. The truck is on its last legs and I’m up a creek until it starts running again.

On another note, I’m workin, workin, workin. I have a show with my mom coming up (cermaics), I have two weeks to get her big load painted- in time. No room for “fun”. Then again I really don’t have “fun”. I realize I haven’t gotten out at all in the last few months. I guess I’m due for some R & R. I am itching for a vaca out of town. I NEED one. I don’t care if it’s in a small little town in the mountians- I need to get out. Maybe after the show and after I figure out my transpotation issue.

My life is really a never dull moment. I always have something happening to me, whether its good or bad- and usually  it’s not great either. I need to make a book of myself. It could be a good read or really boring read.

Well, life calls, Off I go to my work bench and tend to my little blonde bombshell…

Come onnn FRIDAY……..

So as of late yesterday I have had my truck break down, no money until payday and I’m in good spirits. All the while I’ve been watching natural disaster movies, first we needed to jump start the earth before we fried, second the volcano in LA exploded and took out wilshire blvd., next the world is coming to an end in 2012.

Sitting her in my office chair at home waiting for the surround sound to get hooked up, I realize that even though I don’t have a lot going for me right now, I’m really in a good mood. I don’t even know if my truck is even fixable at this moment. Tomorrow I’m going to go out and check it out and see if my assumptions are right.

My life I have noticed is always a challenge, I really think I should be the challenge queen. I should be able to solve my way out of anything. Right?! Just about….If  it were really that easy.

At least my workplace is becoming a less stressful place to be and that I am an important part of the business. Just took a better organized system with time and patience to keep it that way. So far so good. So another note, my moms business, which I would rather be doing, is picking up. Got a big show in Sept. so I’m trying to help her get ready for that. No time for socializing unfortunately. I think I’m finally getting use to not going out and do anything, sadly enough..LOL..

Life is like a Yo Yo….

Ive been so dang overwhelmed this past month. My new job not helping a single bit, my butthead of an ex trying to get me fired, and the fact that I have no energy and money to do much of anything these days. I took this job to get myself out of waiting tables and back in the office, one problem, the office I work in, seems to be a the most stressful job I’ve ever worked in my life. I don’t think even serving amounts to the stress level I carry today. That should tell you something.

I feel like I’m working my fingers, feet and thinking cap to the bone for peanuts. Its just not worth it. In the long run if they think I am worthy of being there “forever” I’m SO requesting a more green.

For the cherry on top, the ex- that should be under a bus, is not making life for me any easier. I’m having to go as far as calling in re-enforcement on the legal side. I BETTER get what i want from the judge, after all the garbage I’ve had to endure because of him.

UGH, all I want in my life……..is………someone to love me and comfort me, work in my mother’s business FULL time, and have a good life for my sons………I mean really……………how much blood, sweat and tears must be poured out……..

To be continued

Ha I seem to manage to get on here before Thursday…lol…amazingly enough.

Listening to some classical/Italian music…Great night to blog.

Somethings are changing for me as of recent. Looks like I have a possible job opening to work back into the office. I really hope I’m picked for the job. I think it would be a great fit for me. It’ll allow me to be creative and yet still work with people on a daily basis. We’ll see, I’m really hoping to hear something every soon. I hate to leave my current boss, she really has been a great boss. She’s a great lady.

With things taking me in different direction, I’ve been lead to make some personal changes….We are in the 11th hour and with that comes more sacrifices. There are some draws to go back to my old ways of living, and I just can’t go back to living like that. I know God has me here for a reason, he has shown me new things that are requiring me to see life in a whole new perspective. Tests that he will take me through in order for me to receive the gifts he has for me and has had for me. I need to step into what it is he has called for me to do. I realize I can’t battle life and its challenges alone that I need him to help guide me. All things are possible through Christ who strengthens us.

I need to be careful who I let close to me, not everyone is good company to have. I have had to just not chat with them as much, sadly enough. It’s not anything against them, its what comes with them and that’s what is best not to get close to. I don’t want to go down that path I just came from. I learned my lesson from going down that route. Let’s just say I’m more careful now.

It’s Not JUST another Friday’s Eve for me…Nope…It’s a new day and new beginning.

Well funny thing how I always seem to blog now on friday night, or friday’s eve….Go figure.

I’m at home just relaxing with a brew and a movie. I recently found out that my youngest son is autistic. Yes, I said Autistic. Kinda hard to sallow at first, I cried a few times, but then I pulled my boot straps up and said- okay let’s do this. take this thing head on and keep going. Not like it has never happened, but with full force of extra attention and love. As some of you know his father is pretty much just that- his father. He has become a person that has not joined arms with me but to stand in my way. Let me explain.

When I relocated to the state I’m in, I qualified for Medicaid for my children (my two sons), I have had this coverage for them for some time now. When my sons father was ordered by his state to start paying for child support (because he got away for too long not paying nothing and wanting all the benefits of it- parent for free he says) the state ordered for him to pay for medical coverage too. He has that option available to him. I don’t, which is why I have Medicaid. He found out that after the 4 weeks he is now paying for medical coverage for our son- that I haven’t used the insurance, he began to threaten me with- I will call your state and have your Medicaid cancelled. Mind you his coverage costs money to use, 30 bucks plus co-pays, something like 550 plus deductables..Outrageous. I don’t have that kind of money to just use that coverage. who does these days?

I kept my children’s Medicaid for a secondary. KEEP in MIND, my youngest sons father has also put his notice into his work to leave his job, after the hearing for child support to be ordered. Ironic if you ask me. Why try to destroy my hard work for getting my children the coverage they need when your going to be jobless soon. Just another one of his threats he made good on. SO- not only have this guy quit his job, have no new job lined up, complains about paying his support and medical coverage, he threatens to destroy any good thing I have going for our son and getting him the help he needs for his autism. I say give this guy the father of the year award.

I have an up-hill battle not only with my sons autism but with his loser father.

I was sitting here and my phone starts buzzing, texts roll in has my sons father is out at that pub having dinner, trying to talk to me about- I’m sorry about this, do you miss this state, yeah well its because of you is why I’m sick of this place. Sounds like someones booze is starting to talk. Well, NO sympathy for you my dear. 

I have embraced my motherhood even more and will fight to the end for my children. You Mr. father of the year- don’t stand in my way, and if you plan on doing so- YOU better be ready to take a hit because I will plow right though you ( I will stop you before you destroy what good I have for my children) and your false words. I am Unstoppable.

So today was quit interesting. I’ve been really putting some thought into somethings that have been brought to my attention. I realize that not everything or everyone you come in counter with are pure at heart. Some are not, and therefore you have to guard yours from theirs. Quit sad if you really think about it, but really when it comes down to it, they won’t change and so your left to keep your guard up. You can’t trust everyone. It’s like a spy novel or film, a mole can be among you. 

Now I’m not saying there’s a mole, I’m saying that to keep myself level-headed and moving forward I sometimes need the blinders to keep my eyes on the path. I have chosen too many times a path that came out to be the worst road I could ever take and I should learn from that. Often times need to be reminded of that too.

You can’t save everyone and everyone sometimes don’t want to be saved, in the end you must turn and walk away.

As todays title- Cloud of Dirt, it is what it is…all freakin day nothing but dirt. I really don’t like dirt..LOL

Moving on, as the world turns, I find myself in a better mood when I’m not at work, HA go figure that one. As tomorrow being my day off, I think I’m going to throw on some movies, work on scanning pics/photoshopping them. The other thing I like best, working on the computer.

I also find my brain running wild with maybe and no  that’s not going to work…Thoughts of I sure miss having a partner in crime. The one you can just talk their ear off and the ones to make you laugh so hard your stomach hurts. My loneliness sometimes gets the best of me.

I’m doing better on the home front now. I guess adjustments always have to be made in order to keep the world turning. So as I log off..close my eyes and hope my mind shuts up long enough to get some sleep…I bid you this….”Good Night and Good Luck”